S not feeling well since the day before ,
the plan was cancelled ,
she couldnt make it to beach with me .

ooh , nvm .
there's another next mon ,
and i hope someone dont say the wrong thing .

am so bored today !
at v.o now ... so bored !!!

i wanna head out !

argh .

hmm , nvm .
anyway , i found out something .
whenever i look over my left shoulder in the mirror ,
i will ALWAYS think that i only have
my 4th tatt and not my 5th one .
hahahhs .
so not used to it .



hmm , went home last night to pick up my 10yr series ,
family was so quiet even though they're havin mahjong sessions .
they gave me money.
b4 i reached out my hand for it ,
i was jus wonderin ,
do i deserve their love when i hurt them so much .
so many things done but not much could be undo ,
they are makin me confuse themselves too .
sometimes i wonder am i really a burden ?
whether am i that bad of their family ?
i think i am at times ,
with tattoos ,
with things that none of my family members,
no matter young or old would do or have done .
sometimes they make me feel that i've made them vanished in my life
at times they make me feel im invisible to them .
no more childhood memories that we used to have .
and i jus think it's all my fault .
no more mac brkfaast ,
no more late night supper ,
no more homemade dinner ,
no more scoldings ,
no more sharing of gd food or fruits with them,
not much more of movies ,
no more pastamania lunch or dinner ,
no more seein and hearin of my mum's fav dialogue :
'i ate $5 a day jus to have money for all of you ,
so you all must study hard and earn alot of money
next time to repay me .' whenever we go walkwalk or shoppin,
no more sayin of gdnites to them everynight ,
cant even greet them 'mummy' and 'papa' so often .
i miss them at times but yet wonders am i really in the fault .

wonders whether my aunt will tell my baby cous
which i dote on that im a bad cous to be with .

i miss my two terrrapins .

jus miss my old life at home with them .

feel lonely at times .
loneliness of the big distance with my family .